And now you're standing in the neon, looking like a high I want to be onnnn.

I'm terrified of love.

And every other time's just a memory, 'cause I only want to be wanted by youuuu.

Oh wow. I legit forgot I even had a blog on here until I logged on to my old email. Lol like seriously I can't even begin to explain how much shit has gone in the past few months that you're all (whomever you may be, if anyone) going to be shocked with. Well, I started my junior year in school in August. I was awarded athlete of the week as well as all section first team in all of pennsylvania for volleyball. I am still so excited. I sort of found some new friends. I'm friends w Georgi still, she's still my best friend, but I'm also friends w like five other girls and about five other guys from a different school that I spent my entire fall with. We hung out every weekend and it was a lot of fun. We partied all that time. We had a blast, and I wouldn't take back my memories for the world. Oh yeah and my ex broke up w his girlfriend. I also am talking to this really attractive guy who plays football, wrestles, hunts, races dirt bikes, and is virtually amazing. Seriously guys like he's awesome. I'm not rushing tho. I'm going to take my time w him. This is prime time for club volleyball. I have my first tournament next weekend and then spikefest the day after my 17th BIRTHDAY! I can't believe I'll be seventeen. Holy shit. well, I've started insanity on top of volleyball so I'm hoping to have my dream body in 60 days. Wish me luck ;)

Oh well, oh well, I still hope for the best.

Ever since I posted that last entry I've known that I needed to post something new. I've gone over this in my head so many times, yet I still have no idea how to say this without making myself cry. And here I am, under my covers, with tear streaked cheeks trying to tell you all what happened. But the thing is, I don't even know what happened myself. Sheldon did come over that Friday night as planned. We did watch scary movies and cuddle and make out for hours on my couch. I was happy for a split fucking second. But that was just too good to be true. The very next day it's over between us. I don't know why, all I know is that I'm still expected to be his 'friend'. Fuck no. Considering he's a senior and he graduated, I figured he's be out of sight out of mind, right? Wrong. I love his little sister who's on my volleyball team, so all during summer league, he would come to my games. I refused to speak to him or even look his way. I don't know what happened or why, I just know that I wasn't naive about it. I just hope that he was different from every single ass hole out there. I'll let you all know when my life starts sucking less or when I get a legitamit boyfriend. By the way, my nephew, Lucas is going to be one in about a month. I can't even believe he's grown as much as he has. I love you, Luke.

When you hear this chorus, do you miss the way the world was spinning for us?

Okay, so for those of you who actually still read this, which I doubt is even five people, I'm going to fill you in. Me and Sheldon are talking-talking. He's coming over tomorrow night to watch scary movies and cuddle on my couch. I've honestly never been so happy in my entire life. Yet, somehow, this twinge of guilt always ruins my day. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I'm cheating on Michael, my ex. We haven't even spoken since at least November, and he's had a girlfriend for almost two years. Why does he have to ruin everything? Why can I not be happy with Sheldon and just enjoy my life. I wish so badly to forget about him, but I can't. Maybe once Sheldon and I are actually a thing I'll feel better. I hate Michael so much. I just want to be happy with Sheldon, is that so much to ask?

A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was praying the you and me might end up together.

I really have no clue what to do with myself. I'm so clearly falling for this amazing guy. When I say amazing, I mean it. Sheldon's the sweetest and kind-hearted guy I've ever met. The problem? I'm so terrified of being rejected that I refuse to put myself out there and tell him how I feel. I could very well tell him how much I like him, but what if he doesn't feel that way? I mean, I think he does, but who can ever be sure? My confidence is so shot, and I don't know why. We get along so well. I had a volleyball tournament three hours away, and his sister plays on my team. We stayed overnight at this hotel, and we swam together and flirted and hugged and it was perfect. I just wish ever weekend was like that. I, however, am too scared to put myself out there and tell him how I feel. I've had multiple chances at relationships, however, I'm so afraid of getting hurt, I refuse to get attached. The last time I did, it ended messy. It's still messy, and I don't want to drag anyone else down with me. Isn't it sad? I'm still scared because of something that happened a year ago? That's it, though. I'm going to put myself out there, I need to take a chance. I need to move on, and live my life, no one else's. I need serious help with my confidence, though. I'll let you know how it goes.
X's and O's, Hannah.♥

So you can keep knocking, but won't knock me down.

Hello, everyone. :)
How do you all feel? Almost one month into this year, you should be proud, you've made it this far.
I was thinking earlier today: I used to use this blog for so many different things. I used to write about a dieting plan, my love life, my friendship troubles, and family issues. I've recently decided that none of that is really important in the end. What is important is that you love yourself, your family, and your friends.

Volleyball has started again, and I'm starting to see this really nice senior, Sheldon. I think I told you guys about him a few years ago?
WOW, a few years ago? I can't believe I've had this blog for almost TWO YEARS. That's outstanding. I love you all so much.
But, yes, I am talking to someone new. HE's really nice and sweet, and he's one of the funniest people I've ever met. 2012 had been a really good year. :)

Right after Thanksgiving, Georgi, my best friend of almost 13 years, and I had a falling out. We made up a few days after New Years, but that was the longest we've gone without talking. I realized that if you waste your life being mad and hating the world, all you end up with is more anger, and time passed. I want to be happy, and sent an example for my nephew.
I hope everyone is having a splended new year so far. :) Tell me about it!
X's and O's, Hannah. ♥

Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.

I've spent all of 2011 complaining. I know I have, bitching about some guy whose name I won't remember a few years from now. It's okay though, it was a hard year. I got over depression, self harming, and multiple things all by myself. I didn't have any help. I did thing that no ones knows. I'm not here to pat myself on my back, I'm here to tell you all my plan.
This year, I'm going to use this year for my happiness. I'm going to change my old way of looking out for other people who don't look out for me in return. I'm putting myself and my life before others, because for so long, I did the opposite. I didn't care what became of me, so I would do the most wreck-less things too myself, and I didn't care. I'm changing that now. I matter, and I'm going to make sure that I remember that. :)
I just realized that I never showed you guys my nephew?! Here he is; Lucas Joseph, born September 25, 2011. The best thing that happened all year.

Happy New Year! Hope it's a good one. ♥
X's and O's, Hannah. ♥